There is an intriguing and yet frustrating observation of human behaviour that Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, called ‘Repetition Compulsion’. Repetition compulsion can be defined as the apparently automatic behaviour that causes people to find themselves in situations that are a repetition of former experiences. This is particularly evident in the common occurrence of recreating childhood family dynamics in our adult lives. It is not uncommon for us to realise that in many ways we have chosen a partner, husband or wife, who is a mirror of a parent. While in our professional lives we may find ourselves in job roles that reflect the structure of our family of origin.
The analysis of the repetition compulsion makes up part of the observations of Sigmund Freud that led to his formulation of the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is by definition a part of our psyche that functions without conscious awareness and this in fact is the greater part of our psyche. Much of what we consider to be ourselves is unconscious, a formulation of impressions and instinctual drives that form the foundation of our psychic structure and personality. To a large extent we are a mystery to ourselves and hidden within that mystery are some forces that effectively dictate our behaviour. This is a wonderful process when we can undertake complex actions such as driving a car while listening to our favourite podcast, yet when these unconscious processes cause us to recreate traumatic events, we can feel less gratitude for the parts of ourselves that appear outside our awareness and control.
This pattern is most alarming to those of us whose childhoods were traumatic or abusive. To find ourselves replaying roles within a dysfunctional family system that we may have tried desperately to escape appears unfortunate at best, if not a hideous curse at worst. Simply due to our original conditions we are instinctively drawn to situations and people that feel familiar to our original circumstances. Yet if those origins were dysfunctional there is the potential to recreate situations in which the same dysfunctions occur. Then we simply repeat our original trauma in a new form exacerbating the consequences of the original trauma.
When unfortunate situations are repeated there is a natural tendency to feel life is somewhat hopeless and predetermined, yet is there a way of approaching these cycles in a productive manner and foster change?
Are You Trying to Teach Yourself Something?
One possibility to aid change is to see the repetition compulsion as essentially an unconscious desire to experience the opposite outcome of the original trauma. An unconscious drive to heal and resolve an inner conflict caused by trauma. Is it possible that in recreating a trauma we hope to find a resolution freeing us from a broken cycle that may have been repeating for many generations?
A classic example of this dynamic could be the female attraction to the ‘Philanderer’. A woman can commonly be attracted to such a character as she is seduced by the lavishing of attention that she receives during the seduction. Yet often the woman discovers that the consuming attention is not limited to her alone. Infidelity eventually emerges that threatens the perceived harmony. However, the woman may be unaware that unconsciously this is exactly what she was seeking, the opportunity to secure such a man. Through her feminine charm she hopes to capture this man and turn him from the rogue into her prince. To prove to herself that she is good enough to secure his love and transform him into her ideal.
Such dynamics can often be born in childhood due to an inconsistent father who was unable to provide a secure bond for the young girl. As such she developed an adaptation that through being a devoted and attractive girl, she could secure the attention she required. The adaptation is to be attractive enough to win her father’s attention then her needs for his affection could be met. In adulthood this same approach of seduction to secure a relationship perpetuates toward unavailable men rarely with the woman’s desired outcome. If she then has a child with the man, potentially on hope of securing him, her children may subsequently fall into the cycle of having an absent and inconsistent father.
The painful truth here is that there is a trauma of an inconsistent parent that creates insecurity in the child. The child is attempting to meet the need of feeling security in the relationship but ultimately unable to do so, and as such an inner conflict develops. The inner conflict of not being able to feel she is good enough to receive the love she needs. This painful feeling may be repressed out of awareness into the unconscious of the child, as it is too terrifying to accept that she is the cause of the failure to feel loved. Yet a feeling of lack and insufficiency remains, that in adulthood is soothed in the initial stage of a relationship when Prince Charming looks her way.
An important point to note here is the power of feelings in our decisions. It can commonly be observed that we often use reason and logic to justify our feelings. This statement points to the power of the unconscious in our lives and how it generally overwhelms our conscious reasoning. The unconscious speaks to us in the language of feelings. Feelings succinctly inform our conscious awareness to the wealth of experience and wisdom within the unconscious mind. Yet when under the sway of traumatic experiences, the feelings associated with our current perceptions are liable to be informed with traumatic memory. This is where the root of repetition compulsion arises, as situations consistent with a past trauma are felt as familiar and even attractive rather than reasoned as problematic, undesirable or dangerous.
In the example above the woman may tell herself that she has met the man of her dreams, ignoring the initial signs of inconsistency or deception. Or through experience she may be well aware of the potential problems within a given seduction, but she allows emotion to quickly dictate her behaviour. She reasons after all better to have little of something than all of nothing, right?
Repetition Interruption
In essence the issue here is the very behaviours that we create to manage a challenging situation can recreate the situation elsewhere or further on in our lives. These basic dynamics constitute a cycle.
‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and again and expecting different results’
Albert Einstein
I have made the case in this article that repetition compulsion is dominated by drives that recreate situations within our lives that are familiar and therefore we are drawn to them for better or worse. We are creatures of habit and generally seek comfort and stasis. It is human nature. However, within human nature there is also emotional pain. Pain is an alarm that disturbs our comfort and when we are suffering a repetition of a traumatic situation, we will experience pain.
When finding ourselves compulsively repeating a dysfunctional cycle we could ask, ‘Have we suffered enough?’ Because painful though it is, it is worth considering if you have suffered enough, you may also have found the motivation to create the change you need.
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